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The Silent Fury: Embracing Women's Anger
Women often feel the pressure to fit into societal expectations that hold back their emotional expression, especially when it comes to anger, which usually gets uncomfortable reactions and disapproval. Embracing women's rage could be a powerful force for personal and community change, ultimately making our society stronger.
August 2, 2024
As women, we are expected to fit snugly into the boxes that society has carved out for us. We have to be nurturing, but not too soft. We must be empathetic, but not too emotional.
Yet there’s one emotion that we’re steered away from entirely – anger. Our anger is met with discomfort, disapproval and disgust.
But this hidden rage has consequences – for individuals and the collective. Our buried spectrum of fury boils our blood and makes us play small. But what if creating space for our anger became a bold expression of activism?
Let’s explore the pathway to embracing women’s anger, including why we suppress it, the consequences of not allowing it to flow, and how to express our fury in an empowered manner.
The Nature Of Our Anger
Rage is a fundamental human emotion that rises as a natural response to injustice, frustration and pain. But somewhere along the way, anger became an emotion that was reserved for masculine expression. Embedded into the rise of the patriarchy, men adopted a full-throttled friendship with fury (which is a vastly complex topic in itself) leaving women in the lurch.
Throughout history, women’s anger has been met with disdain. In many places, including our workspaces and our very own homes, an angry woman is seen as an anomaly that needs correcting. Men’s anger is justified, whereas women’s rage is uncalled for – it’s dismissed as irrational or hysterical.
Let’s swoop back to history for a minute and consider historical examples of women who expressed their anger and felt the burn.
Rosa Parks was an African American woman who refused to give up her seat to a white passenger on a segregated bus in 1955. Expressing a fiery rage at the injustice of systemic racism, she experienced extreme personal and professional repercussions, before eventually becoming an iconic figure in the civil rights movement.
In another example, the suffragettes, who relentlessly fought for women’s rights, took their rage to the streets with protests, hunger strikes and civil disobedience. They were met with arrests, imprisonments and force-feeding during hunger strikes. It’s clear their anger was viewed as hysterical, even though women finally justified their right to vote a short time after the suffragette's peak activism.
When we consider the endless examples, it’s important to remember that men have been starting wars and taking up space with their anger for millenia. It certainly makes female fury seem a little less hysterical, huh?
Why Do Women Suppress Their Anger?
It’s a question that opens up a major can of worms.
The foundations are laid by societal expectations paired with gender stereotypes. From a young age, girls are taught to be polite, accommodating and pleasant. Anger disrupts these expectations and makes us ‘difficult’.
And in a world that has shunned emotional processing as a whole, it makes sense that an emotion like rage has been completely vilified.
This notion has been reinforced by the media for the last century, too. We’re fed movies where the female character is helpless and fairytales where the princess is rescued by the prince. It’s created a double bind: women must choose between being assertive and being likeable.
We also need to weave in cultural norms here. Around the world, there are varying cultural expectations and roles that women ‘need’ to fill. When a woman is still fighting for her basic human rights in 2024, it’s a given that she’s suppressing a deep, deep rage.
The Fall-Out Of Suppressed Rage
Society’s hang-up on women's rage has a profound ripple effect. Across the world, self-perception has been slashed – and the women who do express their anger are dismissed and often ostracised. We’re in a toxic cycle of silence and suppression, which keeps our progress at a standstill – all the while making women sick and sad.
While the science has been around for a while, emotional suppression is still labelled as ‘woo-woo’ and weird. But the truth is, suppressing rage can actually lead to extreme mental and physical health issues. Think anxiety, depression, hypertension and even heart disease.
It can also lead to the breakdown of personal relationships, thanks to things like passive-aggression, resentment and communication bumps, just to name a few. There’s no way that trust and intimacy can survive a relationship that doesn’t allow the safe expression of female rage.
In the professional world, it also means that women are less likely to advocate for themselves and push for better treatment. It’s no wonder burnout is rife for women.
Empowering Our Rage
So how do we move through this? As they say the only way out is through. We need to foster a society where women are safe to embrace and express their full range of emotions – including anger.
Boosting authenticity and emotional well-being, feeling the rage will allow women to better understand their needs, set boundaries, and foster healthier relationships to boot.
The first step to feeling the full spectrum of anger is recognising and acknowledging it is there. You might like to use journaling to safely explore your anger, as well as talk-therapy and mindfulness. It can also be helpful to use ‘I’ statements. Remember, it’s safe to centre yourself. Your feelings – including and especially rage – are valid.
It will also feel valuable to foster communities where you can safely express your anger. Women’s circles can be a fantastic investment, but if that doesn’t speak to you, support groups or online community groups can be wonderful.
Channelling your anger into activism is another empowering way to let your anger move through you. Distilling personal rage into collective action can catalyse solutions to systemic issues and inspire others to join the mix.
It’s clear that women’s rage is a powerful force for personal and communal change. A world where women are free to express and experience their full range of emotions would strengthen the fabric of our society.
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We respectfully acknowledge the first custodians of the land on which we live and work, the Wurrundjeri People of the Kulin Nation. We pay respects to Elders past, present and emerging and to all First Nations People. Sovereignty was never ceded and treaties were never signed.
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