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Girls Hating Girls: Understanding and Overcoming Internalised Misogyny
March is Women’s History Month and International Women’s Day - a time to reflect, celebrate progress, and continue breaking down barriers. But some of those barriers aren’t just external. Internalised misogyny is one of the sneakiest, most deeply ingrained forces holding women back - often without us even realising it.
March 7, 2025
What Is Internalised Misogyny?
Paige Campbell, CEO and founder of Tomorrow Woman, has lived this experience herself. She knows what it’s like to internalise the messages that tell women they’re 'too much' or 'too emotional'—and she also knows the power of unlearning those beliefs.
"For as long as I can remember, growing up, I was always told that I was too sensitive and too dramatic. I've always felt a lot of emotion and would be told that I was too much. And the irony is that often that statement would come from other women. So I internalised that and would feel like my emotion was too much—I would call myself sensitive when it was just a part of who I am. Now, as an adult woman, I can see that and I embrace it. But for so long, I allowed that to be my truth."
This is how internalised misogyny works—it seeps into our self-perception and our interactions with others. It happens when society’s biases against women become so ingrained that we start believing them ourselves. It’s the offhand remark about a woman being "too much," the eye roll at someone’s outfit, the assumption that another woman’s success somehow takes away from our own. It’s subtle, it’s insidious, and it’s everywhere.
Research shows that this internalised sexism appears in everyday interactions. Women often find themselves doubting their own abilities, seeing other women as competition instead of allies, or prioritising how they look over what they can do. These behaviours don’t just hold individuals back—they keep outdated stereotypes alive.
Sometimes, it’s obvious. Other times, it’s so ingrained that we don’t even notice it. But the way we talk about, treat, and perceive other women directly shapes the world we live in. Recognising this is the first step toward change.
How Does Internalised Misogyny Show Up in Daily Life?
Internalised misogyny isn’t just a theory—it plays out in real life, in the way we treat ourselves and each other. It’s often subtle, woven into everyday interactions and social expectations, making it harder to spot. Here are some common ways it shows up:
The 'Pick-Me' Girl
Seeking male validation by putting down other women, reinforcing harmful stereotypes.
Judging Other Women’s Choices
From career paths to parenting styles, we’re often the first to criticise each other’s decisions.
Policing Appearance and Behaviour
Rolling our eyes at another woman’s outfit, body, or confidence reinforces unrealistic standards.
Competing Instead of Collaborating
Seeing other women as rivals instead of allies.
Dismissing Feminine Traits as Weaknesses
Associating softness, empathy, or emotion with incompetence.
Slut-Shaming or Respectability Policing
Making assumptions about a woman’s worth based on her romantic or sexual choices.
Reinforcing Gender Roles
Assuming certain tasks or responsibilities are inherently “women’s work.”
Minimising Women’s Issues
Brushing off the need for gender equality as outdated or unnecessary.
These behaviours don’t just harm individuals—they weaken us all by keeping outdated norms alive. Unlearning them isn’t about taking on extra responsibility; it’s about reclaiming our power. Recognising and challenging these patterns helps create a world where women are free to exist without judgment, competition, or restriction.
Where Does Internalised Misogyny Come From?
To address internalised misogyny, we first need to understand where it comes from. Recognising these deep-seated influences is the first step toward dismantling them. Some of the biggest contributors include:
Media Representation: Movies, TV, and ads often portray women as one-dimensional - either overly sexualised, submissive, or in constant competition.
Upbringing and Socialisation: Many girls grow up being told to be “nice,” avoid conflict and anger, and put others’ needs first.
Workplace Culture: In male-dominated spaces, women can feel pressured to adopt traditionally masculine traits to be taken seriously.
Generations of Gender Inequality: We’re still feeling the impact of a world where women had to fight for basic rights and recognition.
Education Systems: Gender biases in schools affect how girls see their own potential, particularly in male-dominated fields like STEM.
How Do We Unlearn Internalised Misogyny?
Even those of us who dedicate our lives to empowering women and challenging gender stereotypes aren’t immune to internalised misogyny. Paige shares her experience:
"It was interesting—recently, I met another woman, and she spoke about having been told her whole life that she was too much in a different way. As I sat across from her in conversation, without even realising it, I was judging her. I felt an intensity from her and subconsciously found myself thinking she was 'too much.' And in that moment, I was lucky enough to catch it—to catch the subconscious internalised misogyny that I also have, despite having experienced it myself."
It can be hard to hear that term and associate yourself with it, especially when you're actively trying to dismantle these structures. But the reality is, internalised misogyny doesn’t just affect women - it lives within us, no matter how much work we’ve done. And that’s what makes awareness so powerful. When we catch those thoughts and question them, we start unlearning them.
Breaking the cycle of internalised misogyny takes conscious effort. Here’s how we can start:
1. Notice and Challenge Your Own Biases
Catch yourself in the moment. If you find yourself judging another woman, ask: Why am I thinking this? Where did this belief come from? Awareness is the first step to change.
2. Celebrate, Don’t Compete
Another woman’s success isn’t a threat - it’s proof that we all can rise. Let’s hype each other up instead of tearing each other down.
3. Change the Language
Words matter. Let’s stop using phrases that belittle women, like “She’s just being dramatic” or “She’s too much.” Instead, let’s use words that empower.
4. Encourage Open Conversations
Talk about it. The more we normalise discussions around internalised misogyny, the easier it becomes to recognise and reject it.
5. Stand Up for Each Other
If you see another woman being dismissed or talked down to, say something. Advocacy starts in everyday moments.
6. Support Women-Owned Businesses and Creators
Money and visibility matter. Choosing to support female entrepreneurs, artists, and professionals helps shift power structures.
7. Mentor and Uplift the Next Generation
Let’s show girls they don’t need to shrink themselves. Encouraging the young women in your life to step forward, trust themselves, and take up space helps break the cycle.
8. Diversify the Content You Consume
Seek out books, films, and media that showcase women as complex, powerful, and capable. Representation changes perception.
9. Call Out Harmful Behaviour
It’s uncomfortable, but necessary. If a friend, colleague, or family member says something rooted in internalised misogyny, challenge it with kindness and honesty.
10. Reclaim Feminine Strengths
Softness, compassion, and intuition aren’t weaknesses - they’re superpowers (think Jacinda Adern vibes). Let’s embrace them unapologetically.
Are We Overreacting? Is Internalised Misogyny Overstated?
So how much of an impact does internalised misogyny really have? Are we overcomplicating human behaviour by attributing too much to gender bias, or is this a deeply ingrained issue that we need to keep addressing? Here are some counterarguments that often come up - and why they don’t quite hold up.
1. Aren’t Some Women Just Mean? It’s Not Always About Misogyny.
Sometimes people are just unkind, competitive, or judgmental, regardless of gender. Not every negative comment from one woman to another is rooted in sexism. Sometimes, people clash because of personality differences, not because society has conditioned them to tear each other down.
Counterpoint: That’s fair—humans are complicated. But when criticism is disproportionately directed at women for things like being ambitious, assertive, or simply existing outside traditional gender norms, that’s where internalised misogyny sneaks in. A confident man is seen as strong; a confident woman is often labelled as ‘bossy’ or ‘intimidating.’ The double standard is real, and we have to call it out.
2. Isn’t This Just Feminism Blaming Women for Their Own Oppression?
Some argue that calling out internalised misogyny is just another way to shift responsibility onto women instead of addressing the bigger picture—like the societal structures that create these biases in the first place.
Counterpoint: This isn’t about blaming women—it’s about awareness. Recognising internalised misogyny isn’t about saying, “Women, it’s your fault!” It’s about saying, “Hey, we’ve all absorbed these messages, but we have the power to unlearn them.” When we acknowledge the problem, we take back control instead of letting these outdated beliefs define us.
3. Isn’t It Natural to Prefer Certain Traits in People?
Some may say that preferring male leadership, or finding certain women ‘too much,’ isn’t necessarily misogynistic—it’s just personal preference. After all, don’t we all have traits we gravitate toward?
Counterpoint: Sure, we all have preferences, but where do they come from? If someone consistently sees men as better leaders or dismisses outspoken women, it’s worth asking why those patterns exist. Are these preferences really individual, or have they been shaped by a world that has historically valued men’s voices over women’s?
How Tomorrow Woman Can Help
Unpacking internalised misogyny isn’t easy—but you don’t have to do it alone. At Tomorrow Woman, we create safe, engaging spaces where women can reflect, challenge harmful beliefs, and rewrite the narrative. Through our interactive workshops, we break down the roots of internalised misogyny, provide tools for self-awareness, and encourage meaningful conversations that empower women to lift each other up.
Women who have attended our workshops often describe them as eye-opening and transformative. One participant shared, 'This was actually really fantastic to help me realise I am not alone and that so many others are also feeling the same way as I have felt. There is so much power and beauty—thank you for this eye-opening experience.' Another reflected, 'I was hugely inspired by the bravery of the women, hugely impacted by the way the event was brilliantly facilitated.' These conversations don’t just stay in the room—they ripple out into workplaces, friendships, and communities, creating lasting change.
Find out more about our workshops here and be part of the movement to reshape how women see themselves and each other.
Let’s Break the Cycle
Internalised misogyny is one of the biggest barriers we have the power to dismantle. Let’s commit to undoing the conditioning, lifting each other up, and challenging outdated norms.
Because when women support women, we all rise.
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