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Safety Rituals: The Mental Load of Women’s Everyday Self-Protection
Most women know the experience all too well: “Text me to let me know you’re home safe”, carrying keys as you walk home on a dark night ‘just incase’ or using a masculine sounding name for your Uber pick-up. So many women are taking extra precautions to try to keep themselves safe, but at what cost to our mental load?
December 20, 2024
Everyday, women around the world engage in an array of daily rituals. But there’s one ritual that isn't envied, beloved or splashed across social media.
That’s because this daily ritual is designed to keep a woman safe. These actions, often subconscious and habitual, range from walking with keys clenched between fingers to sharing their live location with loved ones. They are everyday safety rituals that have become second nature to many women – shaped by the ever-present threat of harm. And while these rituals may seem mundane and woven into the daily grind, the cumulative emotional toll they take on us is far from insignificant.
The world through the eyes of a woman
Let’s face it – society often feels unsafe for women thanks to the complexities of cultural, social, and systemic factors. These factors result in gender-based violence, harassment, and discrimination – a disturbing, yet organic part of our society’s fabric.
And it’s not as if these issues are a rare occurrence. Sexual assualt, harassment and domestic violence is rife across every society on the planet. Let’s take a look at a few foundational jarring insights:
- 53% of women have experienced sexual assault at least once
- 1 in 6 women have experienced domestic or sexual abuse by a current or former partner
- 46% of migrant and refugee women have experienced sexual harassment in their workplace
- 63% of women actively avoided walking in their local area after dark because of safety concerns
As we can see above, danger isn’t just out in the big wide world – it’s also in our neighbourhoods, our workplaces and even our bedrooms. And while that is an entirely different can of worms that needs to be discussed, it’s obvious why women have developed a safety ritual to buffer them from the risks as much as possible.
The safety ritual dance
So what exactly does this embedded safety ritual look like? It begins with a mental checklist, an array of preventative measures.
1. Walking with keys in hand
One of the most commonly used practices is walking with keys in hand. This practice is often portrayed in the media, especially when a woman needs to traverse a dimly lit carpark or a quiet street. Every woman knows her keys could instantly morph into a makeshift defence weapon in her hour of need, making this simple action a top contender for vigilance.
And while it’s something women do without a second thought, Saoirse Ronan recently highlighted the fact that these safety rituals rarely cross the minds of men. Starring on the Graham Norton show with a handful of well-known male actors, Ronan rebutted (what one man thought was) a simple remark about being attacked and using your phone to find help. “Girls think about this all the time. Am I right ladies?”, she asked. The cheers from the crowd spotlights the caution that most women navigate their everyday life with.
2. Learning self-defence
Another example is women opting to take self-defence classes. The classes are usually specially designed for women to protect themselves if a dangerous situation comes into play. Sounds like a great idea, right? In practicality and empowerment, it definitely is. But it speaks volumes about the way women have to show up to feel safe in their world.
In Adelaide, Sarah Jones runs self-defence classes for women looking to learn how to protect themselves. She thinks women shouldn’t have to learn to fight to keep safe – but she also acknowledges it helps some women feel empowered.
"I think that women shouldn't have to learn self-defence, but unfortunately, it's a bit of a reality of the world we live in at the moment. It's one more thing that can help them be more confident. They know what they're doing if they do get into a situation where they do need to defend themselves,” she said.
And these classes really do dig deep into the specifics.
"Gouge the eyes, grab the head, then escape out, up onto my hand and into my pre-conflict stance," Ms Jones says in one of her classes.
"This is in the case of a sexual assault."
While self-defence classes are arming women with the power, skills and knowledge to protect themselves, it’s also a stark reminder of what our society demands women to do in order to stay safe.
Let’s not forget the digital world, too. We’ve all been prepped to expect real-world violence, but digital spaces are opening up brand new ways to be harassed, taken advantage of and harmed. Let’s dive into the world of ride-share apps like Uber.
3. Digital safety tools
One tactic many women employ is changing their names on the app to a more masculine-sounding name. Another, which Uber actually now recognises, is sharing location details with friends, family or partners. This simple, yet powerful safety net keeps women connected to those they trust most. And while many of us do it without thinking these days, it’s alarming to really consider the fact that most women are subconsciously expecting danger between the coffee runs, the morning walks and the grocery shopping.
The Hidden Emotional Toll
While these safety rituals might seem minor on the surface, they carry a significant emotional weight. For many women, the mental load of constantly assessing risk, altering behaviour, and staying hyper-aware of their surroundings can be exhausting. This burden is often invisible, silently woven into daily routines, yet its impact on mental and emotional wellbeing is profound. And while there are no reliable statistics on hypervigilance in women, we all know that women are twice as likely to experience anxiety as men are – and hypervigilance is a part of the bundle, too.
The anxiety of constantly feeling at risk can manifest in many ways—sleepless nights, heightened stress levels, and even feelings of helplessness. Chronic stress or anxiety quite literally changes our biology – it affects our musculoskeletal, respiratory, cardiovascular, endocrine, gastrointestinal, nervous and reproductive systems.
For some, it becomes difficult to enjoy everyday activities, like jogging in the early morning or taking an evening walk, without the nagging sense of danger. This ever-present vigilance chips away at the sense of freedom and autonomy, replacing it with a constant need for caution.
There’s also a deeper, more insidious effect: the normalisation of fear. As women are conditioned to accept these rituals as necessary, society’s responsibility to address the root causes of this fear often gets overlooked. The expectation that women must perpetually protect themselves can feel isolating and overwhelming, reinforcing the idea that their safety is their own burden to bear, rather than a collective societal responsibility.
Beyond Individual Actions
So what’s the solution? It’s clear individual safety strategies are essential, but what we need to remember is that they should not be the endpoint. We need to begin shifting the narrative away from placing the responsibility solely on women, and toward addressing the broader cultural and systemic issues that perpetuate this cycle of fear.
To do this, we need to start the ripples within our own homes and our own workplaces. Becoming aware of the way other people live their lives is key, and the next step is truly practicing equality. This means actively breaking down gender roles and disintegrating harmful old-school beliefs through our actions.
We need to prioritise creating safer public spaces, implementing more effective harassment prevention policies, and promoting bystander intervention programs – all the while raising our boys to respect and value women, too. Teaching consent and implementing the knowledge that no means NO is vital. Tomorrow Man’s In her Shoes workshop is an excellent start.
It’s also important we continuously raise awareness about the mental load of these safety rituals. By speaking them out loud and coming together, we’ll slowly shift the conversation from isolated actions to systemic change. Discussions around women’s safety always focus on what women should do differently. But now it’s time to broaden that focus to include what society must do to create safer environments for everyone.
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